This short add on goes out to Katie mom.

I really like that you've kept up your blog. and henceforth I will try to keep up on mine.. and hopefully you read it.. cuz I would feel like i'm the king of the castle.. It's Niccccccccce. :: sign language insert here::

Well, sure do think a lot has changed since that last entry.

Of all of my 21 years on this earth, I think that this year has been the year of change and growth...(never mind those first few years of vast mental development and such...).  Things really are changing so fast. I'm on the look out for another job. got into a "fight" with a manager on thursday... and today when I walked to work was immeadatly sent home for a two day suspension for some "other" indescresion. i'm frustrated, and a little shocked. I've never had once any problems with my work and now.. well. i'm suspended and taking a 4 day weekend basically because I didnt work yesterday, and im not scheduled on monday. sure wish I could take a trip somewhere.

I am in a wonderful relationship, with an even more spectacular guy. mm. yes please. i would go on, but I dont think i'd be able to stop.. dont want to make you puke with the twitterpatted feelings. but its good, and its healthy. and I am so very happy.

well I think i'm going to go.i'm getting sleeping and this writing thing kinda got tiring.. not sure why

I've been told I think too much. I'm not quite sure how to get past thinking as much as I do. Is it something I should get past? most likely. normally my cyclical thoughts are more damaging than they are good. .. but. they are my thoughts. they are part of me. How exactly does one get past something that is ingrown, more than habbit?

I often feel like I am a record repeating. I dont know how to put it on hold and let go. I am so much a control freak that I loose control over myself. I am tired. Of trying to keep things together. trying to keep myself together. I dont want to feel like this the rest of my life. I dont want to be waiting for some shinny prince to come. but I'm so tired of being alone as well. correction. i'm tired of not having that spark returned. tired of wanting something so far out of reach that it becomes a ghost that haunts me at the back of my mind.

I'm usually a person who has a lot of faith in others, and none in herself. I'm loosing faith in others now. Everywhere I look there is some sort of relationship lack, or betrayal. Does anything ever work out for the good.? Was my childhood fairy tale brainwashing of love so ludacris that it is like believing in the unthinkable?

Yes, "donkeys dont die everyday", but how can I get past the fact that though I'm not dead, I'm not really living either.

ha. my life is so completly random right now. thank god I'm starting to get better at living it one day at a time.